The Accidental Mother

Tracy Beckerman was kind enough to select this post as a winning entry in her weekly contest. I can’t thank her enough for her kind words of encouragement. You should follow her. You should also run out and buy a copy of her book (it won’t be a signed copy, like mine, but it will make you laugh). Here’s my winning submission:

I am an accidental mother. I never expected to have children. Don’t get me wrong. I like children. I like cats and dogs too. They’re fun to pet and snuggle with, but so much better when they belong to someone else.

My husband went into the marriage thinking he would like kids, but (by plying him with romantic vacations and football filled Sundays) I managed to convince him that being an uncle was a better choice. We loved being DINKS, and laughed when our friends told us that we were “Missing out.”

And then I had my accident. No, not an “oops” accident, an actual, turning my sedan into a compact car accident. I was taken to the the hospital in a neck brace, and my car was towed to the scrapyard…along with my birth control pills. I didn’t worry. I remembered my friend’s struggle and her doctor’s explanation that “If you’ve been on birth control for years, it’s hard to get pregnant.”

She needs a new doctor.

My friends assured me that pregnancy would be easy, and that parenthood was the most amazing thing they’d ever done.

I need new friends.

Pregnancy was rough, and not just physically (the smell of meat cooking could chase me from the house), and emotionally (even Budweiser Clydesdales can bring a woman to tears, especially when she’s craving a beer). There were just too many damn choices to be made. Who do you tell first? (Note – men get pissy when they find out via social media) What do you name the baby? (I wanted to name my boy either Justin Case or Justin Time – my friends were relieved when I had a girl). How do you decorate the nursery? What type of crib?carseat/stroller/diapers? How do you have the baby? Yes, this is a choice. You can have a doctor and a C-section, or a midwife and a birthing room – you can even have a baby in a bathtub! After hearing labor horror stories from (I assume) well-meaning family, friends and strangers, I decided not to have the baby. At 9 months, it wasn’t really an option, but that’s what I decided (Side note to mathematicians – in what type of math does 40 weeks equal 9 months?).

To be honest, the many choices and sleep deprivation that came with pregnancy helped prepare me for motherhood. My friends lied about pregnancy being easy, but they were right about parenthood being amazing. As strange as it sounds, my husband and I will be eternally grateful for my car accident, and the little girl who stole our hearts and changed our lives.

Of course, parenthood is also work, and work is a four letter word.

Tracy Beckerman rocks – you should follow lost in suburbia, and you should submit your stories!

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