Posted in all about me, life lessons

Statistics

stats
image courtesy of boldomatic.com

I hate statistics.

It’s not that I hate math.  I mean, I don’t love it, but I’m good at it. Numbers make sense to me, and, unlike most people (including me) they never lie – and I looooove word problems. I know, I’m weird – but hearing “two trains leave the station…” gets my blood pumping. Word problems are multi-step puzzles without missing pieces.

But statistics?

OIP8NCJVHU5
image courtesty of getty/metro.co.uk

I know that I’m not alone – a quick Google search of that phrase comes back with “about 221,000,000 results” in .61 seconds. There’s even an “I hate statistics” website.

So imagine my dismay at discovering I’ve become one – and not a fun statistic, like being one of the 1 in 42 million who win the California super lotto.

I am a victim of identity theft. Again, I’m not alone. As per this 2022 article from Fortunly, 33% of US citizens have been victims of identity theft, with over 49 million victims in 2020.

I am “lucky” in that he/she/they/the motherf-er “only” used my information to file an unemployment claim. It seems counterintuitive to do so little with my information (not that I’m not grateful) but, per my conversation with the EDD, it’s increasingly common. Criminals buy data in bulk when there’s a breach, and file thousands of claims. I don’t know about you, but filing thousands of unemployment claims seems like a lot of work.

I don’t want you to join me. Nerdwallet has great tips for preventing identity theft, including:

  1. Be alert to to phishing and spoofing. Scammers can make phone calls appear to come from government entities or businesses, and emails that appear to be legitimate may be attempts to seal your information. Initiate a callback or return email yourself, working from a known entity such as the official website, rather than responding to a call or email. And be wary of attachments-many contain malware.
  2. Watch your mailbox. Stolen mail is one of the easiest paths to a stolen identity. Have your mail held if you’re out of town. Consider a U.S. Postal Service-approved lockable mailbox. You can also sign up for Informed Delivery though the USPS, which gives you a preview of your mail so you can tell if anything is missing.
  3. Shred, shred, shred. 

Lastly, stop answering questions on Facebook. “I bet you don’t remember your third grade teacher” or “What’s your childhood phone number” may seem innocuous, but hackers use the answers to collect your security questions! While you’re at it, don’t play those games either. You know the ones – “Which Disney princess do you look like?” I love them, but a security expert warned me against them last year. No, I don’t remember why (thanks swiss cheese brain!).

If, like me, you do all the right things but still find yourself a victim, there are several steps you should take.

1. Scream, cry and throw things. It’s not helpful, but it is cathartic.

2a. Check your credit report. By law, everyone is entitled to one free credit report/year, but, thanks to COVID, you check your credit report once/week (which is the only good thing about the pandemic. Well, that, and the fact that I finally get to work from home).

2b. Place a fraud alert or security freeze on your credit report. The nice thing about a fraud alert is that you only have to notify one of the three credit reporting companies (they alert the others) AND it halts all those pre-screened credit card applications for 6 months.

3. File an identity theft report with the FTC. Their site leads you step-by-step through the necessary actions. Hmmmm. Maybe that should be the first step?

As my daughter reminded me, in the grand scheme of things, this is a minor bump – it’s fixable, nobody lost a limb or became “unalive” and we’ve dealt with a worse in our rollercoaster decade.

She’s right. Life’s a rollercoaster, and 49% of people like rollercoasters (now that’s a statistic I can understand). So get in, sit down, buckle up and don’t forget to throw your hands in the air – it makes the ride so much more fun.

rollercoaster

Advertisement
Posted in days of the week, life lessons, WFH Wednesdays

WTF*

happy-hump-day-2
image courtesy of dictionary.com

Happy Hump Day everyone!

We are halfway through the week, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t Wait Til Friday.

Wait a minute.

What’s so special about Fridays? I mean, I know it’s the end of the workweek and all, but really, what makes Friday better than Wednesday? Is it truly a better day, or does it just have a better marketing team?

In my last post I tried to give Monday a spin. I learned that Mondays get a bad rap because they have no feet. I also learned that I am not a very good spin doctor – at least, not as good as these guys:

but I am going to try to work my way through all the days of the week.

I know what you’re thinking (I do! It’s because I’m psychic. Or is it psychotic? I get the two confused). You’re wondering why I would waste my time spinning the days of the week. I’m wondering the same thing.

TBH I don’t know why.

These are things that I DO know –

I know that I have let death, illness, stress, brain weasels and the black dog keep me from writing. I know that days weeks months of avoiding the blank page have turned it into the monster under my bed (literally – I have a whole slew of empty notebooks gathering dust under my bed). I know that the only way to chip away at a writer’s block is to write. And yet….

The words don’t come.

So here I am, rambling about the days of the week, chasing the ADHD squirrels and hoping that they’ll lead me over/around/through the block.

But (pay attention – I have a big but**)

My squirrels lead me straight to an epiphany (ok, not straight – they are ADHD squirrels, so we spent far too much time getting distracted by shiny things) –

We all look forward to Friday – we spend our week looking forward to the weekend and our weekend dreading Monday. When we’re at work we wish we were home and when we’re home (and faced with honey-dos) we wish we were somewhere else.

We are wishing our lives away. It needs to stop.

Life is short. Be here now.

The people at spiritbutton said it better

wtf

*I know what you’re thinking (did you not read my post? I’m psychic!). You thought this was going to be a post about WTF moments. I don’t want to disappoint you, so here’s a link

**mostly thanks to WFH and stress eating

So tell me – what’s your favorite day of the week, and why?

Posted in days of the week, motivational mondays

#TGIM

mondaymotivation

Happy Monday!

I know, I know, it seems like the world’s greatest oxymoron. Who the #!? is happy about Mondays?

TBH I’m not a fan, but as I said before,  I feel sorry for it. Put yourself in its shoes….Wait – does Monday even have shoes? or feet? (Ugh, the ADHD is strong today). How would you feel if you knew that everybody hated you? Is it any wonder that Mondays are so…well, Monday-ey?

I think the problem with Monday is bad PR.

That’s a lie (if you’re new here, I lie – a lot. Well, not a lot…mmmm..or maybe I do)

The main problem with Monday is that we’ve spent 2-3 days playing, and Monday marks a return to the real world – and it’s not even MTV’s Real World. BTW I hate the Real World more than Mondays.* The show, that is, although reality leaves a lot to be desired.  Returning to the real world is stressful. According to this AZCentral article, scientists say the stress of going back to work means our blood pressure is higher on Mondays, which explains why they are the most common day for people to have heart attacks and strokes (side note – the cdc site lists early symptoms of strokes or heart attacks – being aware can save a life).

And Monday can be an asshat – just ask Garfield:

garfield hates mondays
Image courtesy of Jim Davis

But maybe Monday is just taking a preemptive strike? Maybe, just maybe, if we start being being excited for Mondays they won’t be quite as rough? As I was looking for images for today’s post I came across a 2021 post by beautifulmindsinspireothers. Ronda reminds us to be gentle with ourselves because “there are enough people waiting to knock us down or criticize us without us leading the charge.” challenges us to “start your week with a better Monday Mindset and live the week being intentional about of beating yourself up over everything that doesn’t go wonderfully.”

She also shared a great acronym for Monday:

Make today count

be Open to new opportunities

Notice the good in others

Dream out loud

Acknowledge your effort (and remember that)

You make a huge difference

So TGIM everybody! Grab Monday by the balls and make it a great week! (Wait does Monday even have balls? No? No wonder its so mean!)

Sigh. The acronym is nice and all, but I still side with the Boomtown Rats

*Not only did The Real World interrupt my viewing of music videos, it was the very first reality tv show. Yes, you can blame The Real World for Keeping Up With The Kardashians and all the Real Housewives shows….

Posted in days of the week, Friyay, life lessons

Putting the F(inish) in Friday

friday murrayI realize that I’ve missed my New Year’s Resolution goal of writing on a more consistent basis (one could argue that something is more than nothing, but that’s beside the point) but I’ve been crazybusy…or at least crazy.

What’s more important than writing, you ask? (Yes, I can hear you – most of the time I just let it goooooooo). Well, reading about writing has taken up a significant amount of time. That’s a lie (have you forgotten? I lie – a lot). I’m reading Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff. It’s not exactly about writing – it’s about, well, finishing.

Jon is an excellent writer, and his work in Finish is both insightful and laugh out loud funny. I could go on and on about how much I love his book (and his podcast), but I won’t (and not only because I’m rapidly becoming a squealy fangirl not-so-scary stalker). My only regret is that it took me three attempts to begin Finish.

What’s so amazing about this book and why is it sucking up all my “free time”? (AKA the time I’m not spending getting sucked into Winter Olympics –  was it just me, or did Shaun White’s reaction to his fourth place finish break your heart?). I’ll lot Jon explain: 

“According to studies, 92 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail. You’ve practically got a better shot at getting into Juilliard to become a ballerina than you do at finishing your goals. 

For years, I thought my problem was that I didn’t try hard enough. So I started getting up earlier. I drank enough energy drinks to kill a horse. I hired a life coach and ate more superfoods. Nothing worked, although I did develop a pretty nice eyelid tremor from all the caffeine. It was like my eye was waving at you, very, very quickly. 

Why? Because the sneakiest obstacle to meeting your goals is not laziness, but perfectionism. We’re our own worst critics, and if it looks like we’re not going to do something right, we prefer not to do it at all.” 

That’s right – being a chronic starter does not mean you’re a loser or a failure or anything else your EIC tries to tell you. It means you’re a perfectionist. So am I. I blame Mary Poppins – come on, didn’t every little girl want to be practically perfect in every way? No? Just me then. Ooooohhhhhh –  I wonder if there’s a 12 step program for recovering perfectionists. I could start one. We could have meetings! I’ll bring the brownies! I..oh! Squirrel! Where was I? 

Thanks to Jon Acuff and Brene Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection is equally amazing) I am learning to let go of my perfectionist tendencies. I am also trying to let go of my dream of being Mary Poppins, but it’s hard – not just because she was able to sing, dance and jump into chalk drawings, but because she could clean the house with a snap of her fingers. I’ve tried snapping my fingers, wriggling my nose (a la Samantha Stevens) and singing to squirrels and birds. My house is still messy. I’m hoping that someone invents a self-cleaning house, but scientists seem more interested in developing a flying car. Probably so they can fly away from their messy house.

I have learned that Cosmopolitan lied when they said I could do/have/be it all perfectly. I hope that learning that “good enough” is good enough will allow me to meet my New Year’s Goal of writing on a more consistent basis.

Then again, something is more than nothing.

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to check out the Jamaican Bobsled team!

 

Posted in days of the week, motivational mondays

TGIM

image courtesy of blossom counseling and wellness, llc

Happy Monday!

You read that right – I said happy Monday. It’s weird, I know – who likes Mondays? Nobody, that’s who. 

Read that again. Nobody likes Mondays (well, maybe someone does, but it’s nobody I know).

I don’t think that Monday is a bad day, she’s just responding to all the hate that comes her way. I mean, really – how would you feel if you knew that everyone hated you? Bitter and bitchy? Pissy? Filled with justifiable anger? No wonder Mondays suck – we should just be grateful that they don’t suck more.

I’m trying to blog on a more consistent basis, but today the words didn’t want to come. How do you find words to write when your brain is

a. emptied by stress

b. full of useless trivia

c. old

d. tired

e. wired on caffeine

f. all of the above

g. none of the above

h. a, b and d through e, but not f&g……

I couldn’t find the words, so I googled “Monday motivation” and came up with 523 million results. One of my favorites came from Certainly Her:

Dear Monday,

Thanks for having the word “mon” in you. That’s French for “mine”, in case you weren’t aware, Monday, but it makes me think of  your more as “my day”, and frankly that sounds like a much more promising start to the week.

If I hate my day, then (as per the transitive law of mathematics) I hate myself, which is why I’m changing my attitude about Mondays. You should too. 

Maybe, just maybe, if we start LIKING Mondays, they won’t suck. 

Fingers crossed. 

 

Posted in four letter words, life lessons, motivational mondays

On “No” and the Power of Ants, part Duh!

thCA2PFOLH

A few months years ago, I blogged about the power of ants, and the danger of C-word.

I’m a bad/non-practicing Jew, but I have friends and family members who are Orthodox/Torah-observant who pray to G-d. Although there isn’t anything in Jewish law against writing out the word, they believe his name is holy/has power, and choose to treat the English version with the same level of respect as the Hebrew equivalents.

I feel the same way about the c-word. C*nt isn’t holy, but the word has power – and I refuse to use it any longer.

What? No, not THAT c-word – I mean, that word is (extremely) offensive, but it wasn’t the c-word I was referring to….

Oops. Color my face red.

embarrassed-emoji-1640463

I missed an apostrophe. I’m talking about c*n’t, not c*nt. Let me be clear – the c-word I’m referring to is cann*t.

Sorry for the confusion – let’s just agree to call it “c” to avoid further embarrassment. Lower case, to avoid having it confused with “the big C” (I don’t want to use THAT c-word either. Nobody does, which is why people always whisper when they say it). What’s so bad about “c” you ask? As I said in my original post, it’s the filthiest four-letter word I know, which is saying a lot (in case you’re new to my blog, I swear all the time). “‘c’ is a dream killer and soul crusher. It’s the EIC (Evil Inner Critic) run rampant – the voice in your head telling you that you’re too old, too busy, too female, too sleep deprived to take a chance and try something new. The voice that makes you question yourself before you even know that you want to try. The voice that sounds like you, whispering the dreaded “what if” in your ear. “What if I fail? What if people laugh? What if I hurt myself?” The EIC is a liar, and he/she will use the n-word and the c-word and anything with not in it to prevent you from achieving your goals.”

I know what you’re thinking – haven’t we talked about this already? Why am I rehashing an old post? Don’t I have anything new to say?

Wait. That’s not you – that’s the EIC. Evidently he didn’t like being called a liar. He’s been quiet for a long time (probably because I haven’t been writing), but he’s back in a big way. I’m letting him have his say, because letting someone speak until they “run out of steam” is just one of the techniques I’ve learned in my mandatory “effective communication” class. He’s the one in red.

I have to admit, he has a point. I have talked about this before.

Repeatedly.

Yes, thank you EIC, I’ve talked about this repeatedly – because it’s important.

To you.

Yes, to me. It’s important to me – but it’s important to other people too (at least I hope it is). I want to know/understand what stops you (not you personally, although I would be interested, if you’d like to share). I want to understand what stops people from pursuing their dreams.

In my pursuit of answers, I started listening to the Hay House You Can Heal Your Life Summit 2022. Full disclosure – I’ve tried listening to their podcasts before. “Tried” being the key word. I am a Full blown Cynic, so I have a hard time believing that the millionaires are offering their programs for free (and many times, they ARE simply plugging their products). I also find it unlikely that any of these one-percenters could relate to the struggles we’re going through.

BUT (yes, it’s a big but)

I was listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s episode today. He was talking about his Excuses Begone! paradigm. Some of what he said (ok, a lot most of what he said) is very “new-agey” (as are most of the Hay House episodes). I disagreed with some of this viewpoints, or at least they way he verbalized them. He believed we are all 100% responsible for our trauma – that it’s not the trauma, but our reaction to it and that if “other people didn’t respond to fighting with fear” it’s our fault that we did. I believe that we are not responsible for the traumatic events in our past (blaming the victim is not helpful) but we ARE 100% responsible for our healing. I’m working on mine.

but (smaller but)

He also said that we need to change the way we talk to ourselves (are you listening EIC?). He said that when we talk about something (losing weight, ending addiction, finding/ending a relationship) being “hard” we are MAKING it hard. Not to be too “woo-woo”, but basically G-d/the universe/our higher power always says “yes” – so when you say it will be hard, it becomes so. Dr. Dyer instructs us to change our thinking habits – that when we hear ourselves say “I c*n’t”, we flip it. “I c*n’t afford it” becomes “The money will come” and (in my case) “Finding a traditional publisher is difficult” becomes “The right publisher will love my book”. He reminds us that words have power, and tells of to be mindful of the messages we hold on to. The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives.

Or, to quote my younger self, “The next time the EIC whispers “you can’t”, tell him that there’s an ant in “can’t”, and ants can do amazing things, including lifting ten times their body weight.”

Then get out there and chase those dreams, because they won’t chase you back.

Tell me – what negative message do you need to let go of?

Posted in life lessons, mental health

The Stories We Tell

GirlTalking“Are you telling stories?”

I have a clear memory of being asked that more than once while I was growing up.

Ok – maybe not a clear memory. It’s slightly hazy. Or not so slightly. Geeze Louise people, weren’t you listening when I said that I lie?

Which brings us back to my opening sentence. “Are you telling stories?” was my family’s gentle way of asking if I was being 100% honest, or if I was “telling tall tales.” Full disclosure – I told a lot of stories when I was young. The pendulum swung way to the other side as the years passed, and by my mid-twenties I was brutally honest (TBH I was kind of an asshole).

Somewhere along the way I realized that although honesty may be the best policy, white lies don’t make people cry. But I still like telling stories. Not “tall tales” or “white lies” I mean stories – rambling “get to the point stories” about my day/the news/a social media post. I enjoy sharing stories about my life. My favorite story is the one that kicked off my blog – the story of how this happy anti-suburbanite DINK (Dual Income No Kids) became an Accidental Mother. I have to admit that my stories have gotten longer as I’ve gotten older. I blame hormones – menopause has kicked my ADHD into overdrive, and every thought triggers a new one.

My stories hold no risk. That’s not true – but the risk is small, and not life-threatening (at least I don’t think it is. If it kills me, I’ll pop by to let you know. I might also rearrange the objects on your dresser or turn your lights off and on, because that’s what ghosts do). The greatest risk with me telling stories is that I’ll ramble on and on and on so long that eventually you’ll lose interest, or that I’ll get so far off track that I can’t remember my point and eventually just trail off into an uncomfortable silence.

The stories I tell others are (hopefully) amusing and light, short and to the point. I aim to entertain – sometimes I miss the mark, but at least my stories won’t put you in danger. Some stories will. It’s hard to believe that stories can be dangerous, but it’s true. Not the stories we tell others (unless you tell them where you hid the body/treasure) – I’m referring to the stories we tell ourselves.

my story

I’ve been hearing a lot about the dangers of the stories we tell ourselves lately. Jen Sincero dedicates a whole chapter to the subject in You Are A Badass, the subject has come up several times in my favorite podcast, and Brene Brown spends a lot of time talking about our Stormy First Draft:

“When something happens that triggers strong emotions, we often immediately create a story to make sense of what happened… a SFD is our brain’s way of making sense of something when we don’t have full information. We are a meaning-making species. In the absence of data, we make up stories because having complete information is a self-protective survival skill. But these stories often magnify our fears and anxieties.”

The universe kept nudging me, but (because I am an obtuse magpie) I didn’t pay attention until it came up yet again in my women’s circle. In all honesty, I didn’t realize how dangerous these stories could be until I heard theirs.  

I know what you’re thinking (I do – I’m psychic! No, wait, I’m psychotic. Dammit I can’t remember which) – “How in the H E double toothpicks can stories be dangerous?”

The leader of our women’s circle explained that the stories we tell ourselves keep us stuck in an endless lifecycle loop – we keep repeating our story until we learn from it. Or, to paraphrase Jen Sincero – “If the story you tell yourself is that you cannot find a good life partner, you will continue to date a string of losers people who are the less than perfect match.” 

In her book Rising Strong, Brene Brown tells us that “The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.” She goes on to say that the first SFD “may be the most dangerous (story) of all….Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.”

The women in my circle are amazing. Smart, talented, articulate. We vary in age, and our backgrounds and personal histories are differ, but the story we’ve told ourselves is the same.

“I’m not worthy.”

I’ve been telling myself that story for fiftyish years now. It kept me in bad relationships and stopped me from pursuing my dreams. I have no doubt that my story gave life to and continues to feed the EIC. I’ve finished that story and am starting a new one. Jen Sincero makes it sound easy. She says that we need to recognize that our story is “how we survived as kids but it doesn’t serve us anymore” and that we need to “Bust yourself in your own tired old broken records right now so you can set about rewriting your stories and create the kind of life you love.” Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? Wish me luck.

I am grateful to the women in my circle for giving me a much needed wake-up call. I owe a debt of gratitude to my long-time friend Dawn “Bambi” Taylor for suggesting that I “check out” Brene Brown. I want to thank Jen Sincero for reminding me that I am a badass. Mostly, I am grateful for all y’all for listening to my rambling story. 

So what’s my new story? Not to go all Stuart Smalley on you (and yes, I realize I’m dating myself with that reference – my husband won’t let me date anyone else), but I’m starting with something familiar:

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

P.S. – for those of you who are interested, I came across an excellent TED talk from Dr. Colleen Georges on how to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves. You can check it out here

So tell me – what’s YOUR story?

What-story-are-you-telling-yourself-1
image courtey of sharonhuges.net

Posted in life lessons

I’m a Bad Penny

bad pennyHey look who’s back! Yep, just when you thought it was safe to return to your news feed, it’s the bad blogger. 

Ugh. I’m trying to avoid negative labels, but I’ve already failed. That’s okay – you know what FAIL means, right?

First

Attempt

I

Learning

It really should be First Attempt At Learning, but that would mean that I was FAALing, which is far too close to falling – and at my age, falling is something I need to avoid. Failing, however, is different. Failing is important. I know, I know, it seems counter-intuitive – we (as a society, but especially women) view failure as proof that we are unworthy impostors. We are proud of our successes and embarrassed and ashamed by our failures. Don’t believe me? Take a quick glance through your social media feed – do you REALLY think that all of your friends are living perfect lives?

We need to change how we view failure. By stressing the importance of success, we are teaching ourselves (and our children) to fear failure. We are quite literally failing our children by teaching them not to fail. There are plenty of TED talks on the importance of failing, but IMHO the most important reason is that failing means that you are moving out of your comfort zone and trying something new. 

ANYWAY

I’m back bitches! 

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA (again). I was going to blame it on Covid/stress/life or the fact that Time is a wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey thing, but then I remembered what they* say – “When you point a finger, there are three more pointing back at you.” 

Yes, the pandemic and stress and work and grief and life contributed to my writer’s block, but I have no one to blame but myself. I have been going through stuff, but hasn’t everyone? Actually, I’ve been going through All The Stuff. I have spent the past 6 months organizing and getting rid of things. Boxes of books and clothes – donated. Old papers – shredded. Pictures – all stored in one bin (OMG digital albums are so much easier). I haven’t exactly morphed into Marie Kondo, but I have been purging. If I could just stop binging all the beers I’d be able to lose the Covid15.

covid15

But that wasn’t my point. Yes, I actually have one. Once again, the train has gone off the track. TBH not only has it gone off the track, the cars have rolled down the hill and into the lake.

ANYWAY. I’ve been wanting to write, but was having a hard time coming up with a topic. The longer I went without writing, the harder it was to begin again. It bothered me at first, but I found ways to avoid looking at the empty page (empty page? HA! I didn’t even bother opening the notebook). It’s amazing how many things we can find that “need” to be done when we’re trying to avoid doing the thing we should be doing or the one that scares us (Hey, writing is scary. So are spiders).

I started listening to audiobooks at work (I know this fact seems completely random, but hang in there, it will make sense in a minute – or maybe it won’t. Hang in there anyway). This week I am listening to Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes. I love her – not only because her shows are AMAZING, but because she is a strong, powerful woman who admits that it is impossible to do it all (no matter what Cosmo magazine says). She begins by telling us why we should say “yes” to things:

“Saying no has gotten me here. Here sucks. Saying yes might be my way to someplace better. If not a way to someplace better, at least to someplace different.”

NBC news listed the top five lessons from her book. The first one resonated. That’s a lie (for those of you who are new here, I lie and swear – alot). It didn’t just resonate, it shouted my name and slapped me upside the head:

1) Say ‘Yes’ to Using Your Voice

Rhimes confesses to hiding her voice in her Grey’s Anatomy character Cristina Yang, allowing Yang to say all the things she wasn’t brave enough to say in the real world. But when Rhimes accepted that the real world could benefit from hearing her actual voice — that she could stand up and speak out on important issues and actually affect change — she swallowed her fears, wiped off her sweaty palms and began to speak.

Being Rhimes-level successful isn’t a prerequisite for using your voice. The single qualifier is that you’re a person on earth. You inherently matter and so does your experience. Whether it’s on a stage or through your Twitter feed, you have the power to impact your corner of the world for the better by swallowing your fear, standing up for what’s right and speaking out in love. You never know how your voice can change a person’s life.

One more time for the people in the back:

You inherently matter, and so does your experience.

Writing is scary. Speaking up is scary. Spiders are scary. Hell, just living is scary. It’s scary enough during “normal” times, and the times we are living in are nowhere close to normal. 

Swallow your fear and start to speak. Someone needs to  hear your story. 

2863836-Neil-LaBute-Quote-Everyone-has-a-story

*Who are “they’ anyway, five little men on a hill?

Posted in motivational mondays

Love, Me*

motivational-monday
image courtesy of blog.terrificwords.com

It’s Motivational Monday. To be perfectly honest, I’m not feeling very motivated. But as I said earlier, I am trying to be a better blogger, so I am learning to write even when I don’t feel up to the challenge (yay me! Um…yeah. Even that small attempt at a boost failed to make me feel any less Meh.)

I could blame the environment (literal, political, social – take your pick) or the fact that this time of year SUCKS ASS (too many heavenly birthdays and deathaversaries) but it doesn’t really matter. To be honest (albeit not perfectly) it’s entirely possible that I’m just a Bitch (I’m sure my housemates would vote for the last one. After 14 months of quarantine, we’re all shopping for white oleander).

The why is not important. What matters is that I’m writing even though I don’t want to – because it’s Monday, and it’s the first day of a new month, which means it’s a good time to begin again quick reminder – you can choose to begin again at any moment – now is as good a time as any). I also got a nudge from Love Yourself Infinitely:

How To Move Forward In Life » Love Yourself Infinitely

“Life is not a bed of roses. We all learn this truth one day, in one form or the other. There are times when we feel alone, face setbacks, and end up feeling stuck in one place. This fear of failure or disappointment leaves one stagnant. Sometimes it is lack of motivation, positivity, or mere courage that holds us back from getting up and moving forward in life.”

I’ve been watching the replay of “Becoming Unstoppable: a 1-Day Live Confidence-Building Virtual Event” lead by Jamie Kern Lima. She created the event to celebrate the release of her book Believe It. The book tells her story of overcoming doubt, fear and haters (“No one is going to buy makeup from someone who has your body”). Her story is amazing, as were the guests who showed up during her event. So much love and support from so many incredible people. You should check out her video, book and website

I was going to share some of the advice from the event, but my husband has been binging Fringe for the umpteenth time (seems random, but stay with me, I have a point).. If you haven’t seen it, you should check out the first season at the very least (writing, cast and story are superb). I love Walter, and on Friday he said something that resonate. Something I want to leave you with. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You have no idea how extraordinary you are. If you embrace that, there is no end to what you can do” – Walter Bishop, The Last Sam Weiss (S3 Ep21)

*Quick note – grammar is important “Love, me” is completely different than my original title “Love me?”

And here’s a little Walter Bishop for your entertainment

Posted in mental health, motivational mondays

Labels are for Food and Clothing

label

Happy Monday! How was your weekend? I had every intention of Getting Things Done, but the Universe had other plans. Of course, the EIC insists that I am making excuses, and I am just lazy. The EIC is an asshole, and he is constantly barraging me with a slew of negative labels. Lazy. Stupid. Bad. The good news is that I am getting better at ignoring him. We shouldn’t believe labels, but if we’re going to use them, we should pick the ones that are empowering and uplifting. Confused? Let me explain. Ugh. Now I have The Princess Bride running through my head.

Back BM (Before Motherhood) I was an actress. When I first started out, I had horrible stage fright. HORRIBLE, as in “I’m pretty sure I’m going to pass out or throw up on stage.” Fortunately, I had an incredible acting coach, and he gave me some important advice: Nervous and Excited feel exactly the same – the only difference is the way you label it. 

Sounds simple, right? It’s simple and effective. When I stopped labeling my butterflies and sweaty palms as nervous/afraid and started seeing it as “excited” I had a huge breakthrough. Changing the label changed my mindset, and I was able to use the energy to fuel my performance. 

Let me be clear – labels are useful for clothing and food (especially when you’re gluten sensitive, like the girl) – but other than that, they’re at best useless. AT BEST. But if we’re going to label ourselves, we need to choose carefully.

In a “There is no such thing as a coincidence” I came across a live event featuring Mel Robbins (thank you Facebook). In case you hadn’t heard of her (I hadn’t) she wrote The Five Second Rule, and she has a YouTube channel. She spent most of her time discussing about the negative narrative that runs through our head and the fact that we need to stop treating ourselves badly. 

I’ve spent too many years listening to the endless loop of negative voices telling me what I’m not. The good news is that it’s a new year and a new week which means it’s a good time to begin again. Then again, you can make a fresh start at any moment.

I won’t say “Have a great week” because that’s a lot of pressure for those of us who are people pleasers – instead I’ll say “Have a week.” Stay safe, and please be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.

kind

 

 

.