Hello and welcome to your mid-week update from the anti-suburban suburbanite.
I realize that my musings have been infrequent at best, but (as I said before) I am trying to be a better blogger…or at least one who posts on a consistent basis. I have also decided to go back to the beginning, and focus this blog on parenthood, suburbia and anything and everything twisty.*
I am dedicating Wednesdays to News of the Weird. Weird and wild and wacky and all things W. We are here to celebrate all things weird and wonderful to and to remember that normal is just a setting on your washing machine.
I’m no Jon Stewart, but I have found one or two pieces that made me laugh out loud.
Are you in the market for a new house? Have you run out of ideas as to how to effectively impose a “no phones/electronics” rule? According to UPI, there’s a house in Vermont that might be perfect to you:
The house for sale at 43 Courthouse Drive in Guildhall, Vermont, has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, an updated kitchen and seven jail cells, complete with barred windows, toilets and cots. UPI reported that the property, listed for $149,111, used to serve as the Essex County jail, with the jailer’s quarters attached to the back of the house. Out of use since 1969, the cells are now covered in dust and, according to the listing, just aiting for a creative buyer to “bring…ideas on what this 28-foot-by-40-foot wing could be!”
I’m not sure that locking a recalcitrant teen in a dusty jail cell is the best idea (unless you want CPS knocking on your door) but I’ve had moments where it would have proven useful – if only for a place for this tired mommy to take a time-out.
I came across this post from January Nelson a while ago (Time being the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey thing that it is, “a while ago” could be anywhere from a month to more than a year ago):
I curated these funny stories from funny Tumblr stories. Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories:
Now that’s what I call stupid: In my junior year of high school, this guy asked me on a date. He rented a Redbox movie and made a pizza. We were watching the movie and the oven beeped so the pizza was done. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “This is the worst part.” I then watched this boy open the oven and pull the pizza out with his bare hands, rack and all, screaming at the top of his lungs. We never had a second date.
I feel sorry for the boy. He reminds me of a former coworker – her name has been changed to protect the innocent. And “Clueless” was extremely innocent and/or overly sheltered (maybe both). She was in her twenties, living alone, with zero life skills. I have several stories I could share, but I’ve gone on long enough for one post. She called me for cooking help.
Clueless – “How do you open a can of soup?” (please note, this was in the days before pop-tops)
Me – ??? “A can of soup?”
Clueless – “Yes. Do I just punch holes in the top?”
Me – “Is it a can of bullion?”
Clueless – “No. Chicken and noodles.”
My daughter isn’t much of a cook (she takes after her mother that way) – but even she knows that the noodles would get stuck in the holes.
So tell me – are your Wednesdays as weird as mine?
*I am moving my battles with the Black Dog and Brain Weasels to another blog. If you’re interested, you can follow me here.