It’s been a while since last I wrote (I am, however, doing much better at blogging than I am at journaling – my last journal entry was from 2011). I am usually derailed by
- writer’s block
- taking care of friends/family members
- taking care of myself*
In this particular instance, the reason is
5. Being too busy to sleep, much less write aka overextension syndrome
“5” comes with being a mom to a busy teen, impounded by my inability to say “no”. I’ve spent the past few months shuttling the girl and myself to/from rehearsal and performances, assisting with lighting design, running lights, working the renaissance faire (even though I SWORE I was taking a year off), volunteering at the animal shelter and going to the hospital. Not personally. I mean, yes, PERSONALLY (not quite tech savvy enough for a virtual/skype visit), but I wasn’t the one who was IN the hospital.
It’s been a rough couple of months for family and friends. TBH it’s been a rough couple of years for many of the people I know. Too many people sick and injured or recovering from being sick and injured. I keep telling people “please stay healthy, because worrying about you is exhausting”, but nobody listens to me.
Evidently the stress of being a caregiver caught up with me. I’ve told you before that it’s very important to “feed the well” and that stress is a killer. I should have listened to myself. Two months ago I was diagnosed with a minor medical issue** (minor to everyone else, including the ER staff). My brain took the issue and raced down the “what if” path to the worst case scenario, cackling like rabid goblin.
When I write on a regular basis, my overactive imagination is busy creating fiction, or expanding on reality in a fictional environment. When I don’t write, my brain has nothing better to do than to take the most mundane situation (a trip to Starbucks, for example) and twist it into some odd/one in a million scenario (“Why are there so many people standing around? I bet one of them is robbing the store, and nobody is able to leave, and OMG is that a GUN?”)
So when I was advised to follow up with a specialist, my brain immediately bypassed every logical explanation and went directly to “Oh, everyone is only pretending that it’s a minor issue to keep me from panicking” and I panicked. Big Time. As in, no sleep/eating everything in sight/calling-everyone-I-know-to-tell-them-how-much-I-love-them panic.
After weeks of testing and multiple reassurances from the specialist that everything, is in fact, fine, I have returned to normal (whatever that means). For me, it means that I’m able to sleep through the night (when not being forced awake by Midlife Insomnia and/or the Need to Pee) and that I’ve returned to my Regularly Scheduled Activities (including, but not limited to, eating something that isn’t chocolate, writing, and the dreaded E word).
So I’m back, and I’m better than ever* – I’ve missed writing – I’m happy to be back and I’m looking forward to catching up with you (yes, YOU). What have you been up to?
*Actually, I’m a little rusty, and I can’t seem to be able to link to anything other than my own blog pieces. Hopefully I’ll remember soon. Any help is greatly appreciated.
And just because it’s TBT (Throw Back Thursday) here’s a little Back in Black for the Rock-n-Rollers out there: