Happy New Year!!!

My new year’s resolution for 2014 was to become a better writer – if not a better writer, than at least a more frequent one. Alas, time has gotten away from me, and stress has eaten my brain. Actually, I think that stress has eaten my brain and disrupted the space-time continuum – how else can you explain the fact that I closed my eyes on January 15^th, and woke up July 9^th? (No, I haven’t been in a coma).

In my ongoing effort to become a better writer, I discovered the “Writing 101” series from The Daily Post. The series is from June, so I’m not as far behind as I could be. Besides, I adhere to the idea of “Better late than pregnant” – especially at my age. Today I’m supposed to write for twenty minutes without stopping – a free form jazz poetry stream of consciousness piece, and I didn’t even make it out of the first paragraph without going back to correct a “mistake” – damn you inner critic/editor! Damn you to hellfire and back! I’d much rather damn you to the place where socks go, because you keep coming back, and those socks never do! Or if they do, they come back AFTER I’ve either thrown their partner away or used it to clear the dust bunnies from under the couch.

Speaking of dust bunnies, do you have any idea how quickly they multiply when you’ve been sleeping for 6 months? Which reminds me – who kept Sleeping Beauty’s room clean? Slept for 100 years, and when her handsome prince showed up, the room was spotless – no dust bunnies, no spider webs – and her makeup and hair were PERFECT. No drool stain under her pillow, either. I take a nap, and I wake up looking like this

with a wet sponge for a pillow – evidently I’m not a princess after all.

I may not be a princess, but I am definitely a queen. An evil queen. Evil may be a four letter word, but it’s one of my favorites. I’m not talking “take over the world” evil (even though the world would be so much better if everyone did things my way, without questions, after I tell them the first time…..), I’m just a little evil. The little bit of evil that keeps my sense of humor twisted and sarcastic as opposed to sweet and light. The little bit of evil that allows me to eat the last cookie without a twinge of guilt. Well, maybe a twinge. Maybe I’ve gone out and bought a brand new box so nobody would know that I took the last one. The problem being that you have to eat ALL THE COOKIES in the second box so that nobody knows you ate the last one in first one. No wonder my pants are tight. I’m eating a box of cookies and sleeping through exercise time.

Ugh. If ever there were a word that should be a four letter word, it’s that one. The dreaded E word. I’m aware that there are some people who would disagree with my belief that exercise is evil. They think that exercise is not only good for you*, but that it’s fun too. I think exercise is fun, but not the way they do. I think that the dreaded E word puts the F-U in fun.

In any case, I’ve heard that every day gives us a chance to begin again, so I am choosing to make another resolution – one that I can keep. My New Day’s resolution is to write on a regular basis.  It may not be every day, or every other day, but it will be more frequently than it has in the past, and that’s good place to start.

*these are the same people who love brussel sprouts and kale smoothies. I choose to believe that these misguided souls aren’t truly evil, but that stress has melted their brains…..